Someone Shit on the Coats

Booter Formation

2006-08-03T02:33:00.000-07:00


Tango 34-Charlies in action

me tonight

2006-06-02T17:44:00.001-07:00

This may or may not be me tonight at Farah's:

Love,
Booter

personality test

2006-06-02T15:45:00.000-07:00

When i see a personality test on the internet i usualy dismiss as bullshit but this one was pretty accurate. I would say this is pretty close to my personality.

Advanced Global Personality Test Results

Extraversion		46%
Stability		70%
Orderliness		63%
Accommodation		56%
Interdependence		36%
Intellectual		56%
Mystical		30%
Artistic		10%
Religious		10%
Hedonism		63%
Materialism		30%
Narcissism		83%
Adventurousness		63%
Work ethic		30%
Self absorbed		50%
Conflict seeking		43%
Need to dominate		70%

Romantic		43%
Avoidant		16%
Anti-authority		63%
Wealth		70%
Dependency		10%
Change averse		30%
Cautiousness		30%
Individuality		43%
Sexuality		90%
Peter pan complex		36%
Physical security		90%
Physical Fitness		77%
Histrionic		16%
Paranoia		56%
Vanity		30%
Hypersensitivity		30%
Female cliche		10%

Take Free Advanced Global Personality Test
personality tests by similarminds.com

Hours and Hours of Fun

2006-05-22T19:35:00.000-07:00

If you are bored, go huntin' for some pederasses near you. http://www.familywatchdog.us/search.asp

My Fart Woke Up Bobby Knight

2006-05-22T06:49:00.000-07:00

Sorry for the lack of updates. I had the wife in town for the past two weeks and I had to go home for my brother's wedding this past weekend. The wedding went splendidly, good food, open bar, and the cake was delicious. Plus it was held at my brother's union hall which pretty much is about as blue collar hardworking democrat as you can get. I almost felt like I was in The Deer Hunter. The shitty part is that we got home around midnight on saturday, about 10 beers deep, and my flight was at 5 in the morning. Not fucking cool at all. The wife spent the night and drove me to the airport at 4. Gross. Anyway, after I said my teary eyed goodbye to my special lady friend, I went through security and waited to board. As I am standing in line, I see a silvered hair tall gentleman out of the corner of my eye who definately looked like Bobby Knight at first glance. Upon further investigation, it was definately him, since the large african-american man standing in front of me said, "That's fucking Bobby Knight."

I thought that was pretty cool and made way to my seat on the American Eagle Regional Jet. I am sitting one seat behind the emergency exit row, (i am pretty sure i requested the emergency exit row when i purchased the ticket but Bobby Knight probably choke slammed the ticket counter lady until he was reassigned) when the silver fox himself sits right in front of me. At this point, I have never felt more comfortable on an airplane before knowing that Bobby Knight would in charge of the emergency exit row. I could also sleep tight knowing that if any terrorist decided to take over the flight, Robert Knight would huzz a emergency floatation device at thier throats. Sleep tight American Airlines Flight 3815, Bobby Knight has the watch.

Well as I had previously mentioned, I had been drinking Bud heavies all night at brother's wedding. Budweiser, Red and White.......Ol' School. Anyway, I am sure as everyone has previously experienced, I was a bit gassy. It happens and I am not ashamed of it. However, when you are in an enclosed space with one of the most volatile men in the history of college sports, busting ass might not be the best idea ever. So for the first 20 minutes of the flight, I did pretty well spacing out the expecterated matter into the overhead air that it dilluted the fumes before they could reach the former Indiana basketball coach. But as time wore on, I started getting a lot more drowsy since I was running on about an hour of sleep. Finally, I noticed that Bobby was asleep and decided I could stop worrying about spacing my farts out and relax. Big Mistake. Bobby Knight is a light sleeper apparently because everyone around me was asleep and when we hit a little bit of turbulence, I squeeked out a nasty one. As the putrid aroma hit my own nostrils, I immeidiately looked for a reaction from the coach. After a few seconds, I thought I was going to be ok because sleeping beauty still lay in his slumber. I was wrong. Suddenly, Bobby raised his head opened his eyes with a face similar to to mine when I shook hands with POTUS.

"Oh shit," I thought, " I am a dead man. From the look of that expression, Bobby Knight doesn't like the smell of methane." Luckily I think he thought it was the dude next to him because he kind of stared at the guy like he had just killed his entire family. Close one. The rest of the flight was pretty uneventful but I will always be able to smile when I see Bobby chewing out a player because I will know that there is a little part of Booter coming out of those lungs.

20 year old college chicks.....

2006-05-12T14:16:00.000-07:00

They're a lot a better than 21 year-old college chicks. At least that has been my experience.

Sparkles Doesn't Live Here, Man

2006-05-04T17:07:00.000-07:00

I don't know if you have noticed, but I changed my phone number from my 410 area code to the 614 in late december. There were a couple reasons for this. First, I wanted to maintain my central Ohio heritage throughout my naval career. Secondly, the pain and anguish I felt within the greater Baltimore-DC area during my 4 year stint at the Academy was reminded to me everytime I gave it out to a nice young man with gentle hands at a bar on the north side. And Finally, what is most likely the most important factor, my girlfriend's generous father offered to put me on the family plan. A struggling single guy trying to make ends meet, won't turn down free shit. So I changed it. No big deal.

Unfortunately, apparently a young woman named Sparkles either used to have my new 614 number or has a similar number. I have recieved several calls over the past 4 months at all hours of the day asking for Sparkles, usually with a loud child crying or pounding bass in the background. Most of the time, I have a tough time understanding the callers' dialect of American english. Especially, when its 3 in the morning on a Tuesday. I am not on the top of my ebonics game when I am drool deep in a little R.E.M.

Well, today on the way home from O'Reillys Autoparts, I get a call from a unidentified 614 number. I picked it up thinking it was maybe Larry Larsen asking me for my input about the DCHS lax scandel. I was wrong. It was a man with a flinty, deep voice asking for Ms. Sparkles:

Scary Ethnic Man: Is Sparkles dere?
Me: I am sorry, did you say Paco?
Scary Ethnic Man: Who da fuck is dis?
Me: This is Booter. May I ask who I am speaking to?
Scary Ethnic Man: Put Sparkles on da phone.
Me: I am sorry but I am not sure who you are talking about. This is Booter.
Scary Ethnic Man: Yo, put Sparkles on da phone.
Me: Sparkles doesn't live here, man. This is Booter.
Scary Ethnic Man: Who's Booter?
Me: Me, man. I am Booter.
Scary Ethnic Man: Where's Sparkles?
Me: Man, I am telling you, Sparkles doesn't hang her hat here.
Scary Ethnic Man: Oh, sorry for de inconvienence
Me: Oh no problem. Have a nice day.

Here is what i think Sparkles may look like:Please feel free to post your thoughts on what she might look like in the comments section.

"Old Booter would've done it."

2006-05-04T06:41:00.000-07:00

Thank god i didn't go to a normal college. In era of my life that I refer to P.K. I would like to think that I would have done this. Now, I just sit back and enjoy the stupidity of someone else doing it.

Carlos Mencia

2006-05-03T14:47:00.000-07:00

Just skimming throught the channels and saw an ad for Mind of Mencia tonight on after South Park. Is it just me or this one of the least funny shows you have ever seen? I would rather watch an hour of Will and Grace than be subjected to the completely obvious and totally boring humor of Mencia. Oh wow, did he point out how white people are boring and illustrate how 'beaners' love shredded cheese? Genius Carlos, pure unoriginal Genius. Did you write that yourself or did a team of austistic monkeys have the creativity to come up with that one? Mind of Menica's is Chappelle's Shows flamboyantly gay cousin. Chapelle Show works because it is creative and finds new ways to rip on people. Menica just relies on old sterotypes, which maybe true, but aren't funny anymore. I hope the only reason it is still on is because it follows South Park and people are too stoned to turn off their tv. Which brings up a good question? Who are Matt and Trey going to pummel tonight? I hope it is Tom Brady.

Why don't you climb out of dat green space suit and show me dat phat ass?

2006-05-02T08:53:00.000-07:00

Whoever the 14 year old boy was who not only got to bang his hot ass teacher but now has her sending him videos of her dancing around semi-naked even after she has been let go on child molestation charges, I want to shake his hand. This kid can pimp bitches like Alec Baldwin.

She kinda has a Miss Utrada vibe to her....minus the crazy eyes.

San Fran 1906....Barry Bonds was a douche then, and remains a Summer's Eve product to this day.

2006-05-01T11:33:00.000-07:00

So I am half asleep last night around 11:15 central standard time. I was somewhere between wondering about why God created midgets and if that falls under the category of "everything happens for a reason" and fantasizing about Hurricane Katrina's arrival here next weekend, when a loud thud interrupted my semi-slumber.

Upon further investigation, the asshole retired people who live in the townhouse next to me (we share a wall) decided to watch Alexander or some other homo-erotic spartan love story with loud drums on their super-surround sound. It sounded like I was in San Francisco in 1906. Pissed, I decided to give them 5 minutes to develop some semblance of human decency and turn down the fucking volume or I was going to have to go say something to them.
What do you think happened? That's right. I put on my clothes (I sleep naked just because if a fire breaks out and I have to crawl on all fours underneath a layer of heavy smoke to escape with my life, I think it would be unintentional comedy at its best. Ideally, some firefighter would come upon me and start laughing. It would definitely lighten the mood. But even if it is just witnessed by me, I would be able to look back and smile. Plus its the only situation where I could walk outside after I escaped the inferno with nothing on and not get arrested. And let's face it comedy like that would start the healing process a lot quicker for families that might have lost everything in the blaze) and walk downstairs, ring the doorbell to the assholes house.

The 60 year-old lady walks up to the door and doesn't open it up. She is just looking through the glass in her door like I am about to rob her. Keep in mind, I have had numerous conversations with this woman, granted not at 1130 at night but all of which have been amicable. I yell through her door to please turn down the volume on her Bose German piece of shit surround sound. She gives me a look like she doesn't know what I talking about, and I give her the Scalia and walk back upstairs even more pissed than before. This little exchange fucked with my chi and I couldn't fall asleep. It's a pretty sad day when a 23 year-old has to tell a 60 plus retired couple to turn down their television. I guess they are just pissed that they missed being a part of the greatest generation by a couple decades. Assholes. I went back to trying to think about midgets and Katie but all I can think about thing breaking those people's surround sound. Lessons of the Day: retired people are assholes and always have a fire escape plan.

Finding Neverland

2006-04-30T16:20:00.000-07:00

So I received a movie from netflix and when I opened it up it was finding neverland, starring Johnny Depp. Immediately, I thought there had to have been a mistake. I would have never in my right mind rent this movie. So I checked my 'q' on netflix and sure enough, I had. Not really sure when I put it on the list but obviously I was in a really weird place that day. I have no idea what this movie is about but I have a good feeling its about gay sex. At least that's all I can gather from the front of the disc. I'll let you know.

Freddie got Fingered.

2006-04-29T18:29:00.000-07:00

Just got back from a BBQ at Sires' and didn't know really know anybody but Chief Chokesachick so i bounced. Plus i am nursing a hangover, so if I saw another Shiner i was going to puke on Mike's nice white carpet. Nobody wants that. Then I dropped off Ian at my buddies place and all of the Corpus Saigons were there. These are some of the biggest chickenheads I have ever met. I am just glad I got a nice piece of midwestern tail back home so don't have to lower myself to even speaking to these hood rats. Chickenheads... can't stand 'em but i do enjoy watching them work a crowd of aviators. Fish in a fucking barrel.

Its amazing, I can't escape Sires. First, middle school, high school, and college. Then he lived on the same street as me in Pensacola and now he lives right down the street from me in Texas. Fucking sires. We got pretty wasted together last night, Dublin lax style. I introduced him to Farah's Watering Hole, which is pretty much my idea of heaven. Cheap beer, Chickenheads, shuffleboard, a jukebox with motley crue and journey on it. Plus I figured out how to skip the songs I don't want to hear. Which pretty much makes me God of Farah's.....or at least St. Peter. There will never be another lil' john song played again if Booter is in the establishment.

Speaking of Dublin Lax, I am glad to see some of my fellow Dublin Lacrosse Alumni are making it into the news beyond the Dublin Villager and the SNP. Everybody knows the story, so I will save the time of explaining it and just skip right to my thoughts. Although i am sad to see the negative spotlight once again on the sport of lacrosse, more specifically Dublin Lacrosse, I am just glad that this incident has created an opportunity for Larry Larsen to do an opinion piece in which he uses the word "anus" or "rectum" or maybe even "fingered". Thats something that I have been waiting a long time for and I have to thank Pentz and Simpson for making that opportunity available. Thanks fellas, you're the best.

Pecan Pie and Coffee

2006-04-29T14:33:00.000-07:00

Having a bad day? I would be too if I hear that stupid fucking Daniel Powter song 75 times on the way to work today. There is a little known remedy for the blues that big drug companies don't want you to know about. Do yourself a favor and before you read anymore of this, go to your local grocery store and pick up some folger's medium roast coffee and a frozen pecan pie. Whenever something isn't going right in your life or you hear that song one too many times in an hour, fire up the coffee pot and pop in the pie. There is nothing in this world quite like a handsome piece of pecan pie and tall mug o' joe to settle any worries you might be having. Its better than valium. Trust me.

I am going to use this blog as means to end. The end being: saying funny shit to people who wanna hear some funny shit while maybe making some good points . Plus it will keep my buddies up to date on my experience down here in Mexico. I plan on doing a lot of my postings while on the john. I am not doing this as a gimmick or for shock value, I just think a lot while i am on the shitter. As a matter of fact, I do my best philosophizing while i am getting the prairie dog out of his hole. Isn't mobile technology wonderful? I promise to wash my hands and turn on the fan.

Shit, i am out of toilet paper.